Oct 21, 2023 | Bereavement, Grief counselling, Life Transitions, Relationships
LIFE..
I had always dreamt of becoming a business owner and looked forward to one day realising that dream .
In my 30s I was busy growing my family and life was what I would call ” Chaotic bliss”
Three kids under four, a teenager, elderly parents, and a FIFO husband.
I was lucky enough to work part time for a local funeral service in Victoria with the most amazing, caring people.
I am sure it was there that I discovered my deep interest in people and how grief impacts us all.
How important it is to Honor the life of a loved one in the most beautiful way possible.
Funerals are a wonderful way to celebrate a life lived but I believed it did not end there.
There was a unique story for each one of those people as the hearse made its way down the tree-lined exit from the funeral home to their place of final rest.
It was now up to their loved ones to carry on without them.
LOSS…
When I was in my forties and lost my own Dad I realised the true meaning of the word grief.
I was devastated and the thought of never seeing my dad again was heart wrenching to say the least.
My mum had developed Alzheimer’s disease and passed away a few years later.
That felt like a double loss, having to grieve the person she once was and then her death.
I remember sitting by her bedside as she was slipping away and thinking how I did not want to live the rest of my life with regret for not following my dreams.
Something inside me felt a pull to the Sunshine Coast in Qld, surrounded by beautiful beaches and fine weather for most of the year. I had always felt connected to the coast. We had spent many wonderful family holidays there.
NEW BEGINNINGS…
Before too long that dream was realised and we found ourselves living in a gorgeous home with a pool, the kids started new school, made new friends, and started playing sport. I was so grateful for the opportunity to give our children a better life with endless possibilities. It was a whole new world for us all.
When everyone had settled in, I decided to start a cleaning business.
I worked for teachers primarily as I needed the school holidays free to look after my kids while my husband was away interstate at work.
I absolutely loved helping others who were busy themselves with work and family commitments.
They quite often would share their struggles and difficulties with me, and I would assist where I could on an emotional and practical level.
I wished I could do more.
Even though people were living in the most beautiful place they still struggled with life’s challenges.
SPARK…
Something sparked in me to pursue a formal qualification as a Counsellor.
I knew I had enough Life Wisdom to really help them.
I completed my Diploma and was fortunate to travel to Fiji to volunteer with an amazing group of people to do my Placement. This was truly a life changing experience. It taught the meaning of community and how serving others can provide us with so much joy.
I believe life can feel like a battle between holding on and knowing when to let go.
Full of beginnings and endings.
ENDING…
Shortly after completing my studies, I had to let go of my 27-year marriage.
I have since realised that although things end and its painful, you must grieve that loss and move forward to a point where you can look back and remember the good times and the bad without feeling the pain off loss so intensely.
You take the love and the lessons, and you move forward one day at a time.
Hope will get you through your darkest days.
HOPE…
I found hope.
I looked for the spark.
I found my passion and I found love.
This is where Life Wisdom Counselling was born- a new beginning!
PASSION…
I opened my Private Practice here on the beautiful Sunshine coast and I am grateful every day for the opportunity to support people.
My area of expertise is helping those who are grieving the loss of someone they loved, whether it be a bereavement, or the end of a relationship.
I gently encourage them to move forward at their own pace with the beautiful unique memories of their loved one tucked safely away in their heart.
As a Grief Counsellor I can provide guidance, encouragement, and support to those experiencing any Life transition. We can explore coping strategies to help navigate the challenges that come with starting a new chapter in Life.
If your heart is heavy and you could use some support and guidance,
I am here for you.
If you are feeling hopeless, Ill hold hope for you until you discover the spark.
It is there, I will help you find it.
Oct 25, 2022 | Bereavement
1.“I know how you feel.”
Telling someone you know how they feel can make them think the conversation is about you, not them. Although intended to make the bereaved feel understood, each person’s loss is unique and therefore can only be truly felt by them.
Instead say something like “I can only imagine how you must be feeling”
This implies you are trying to understand how difficult it must be for them.
2.“You’re so strong.”
Although you might feel like you are complimenting a grieving person for their strength, this can sometimes feel that although they may not be outwardly showing their grief, they are somehow coping better than they appear to be when they may be inwardly suffering immense pain.
They may also feel they need to avoid showing their true emotions in case you see that as a weakness.
Instead, you might wish them strength to cope with their loss and offer support
3.“God needed another angel.”
Bereaved people may be offended by this comment because they may not have the same religious belief as you and even if they do believe in God, they may have lost faith at this time or even be angry at God for taking their loved one from them.
Instead, you could just let them know they are in your thoughts.
4.“She/He’s in a better place.”
All a grieving person wants is for their loved one to be right here with them. That is the only place they want them to be, nowhere else. This also assumes you know where they are which is not possible or that they are better off somehow.
Instead say something like “My heart aches for you.”
5.” Only the good die young”
Although this comment is intended to make someone who has lost a child to feel that their child is good and free from what a long life may inflict upon them it also suggests that old people are not good.
The fact is people die, young and old, good and bad. There is no rhyme or reason.
Instead, you could say “This seems so unfair “
6.Anything that starts with” At least”
“At least she/he’s not suffering anymore”
“At least you have other children”
“At least you can fall pregnant again”
“At least you had more time with your child than some people do”
None of these comments help a bereaved parent ever!
Your child is still your child, no matter how long you had them for. No matter what age.
They will always be your baby. Your boy. Your girl. your everything.
Nothing anyone can say will ever take away the unimaginable pain of child loss.
We need to be there as support for the bereaved parent but never ever try to minimize their loss.”
“At least” comments suggest thinking about the future.
Instead, be with them now in their sorrow. Their hearts are broken.
Aug 24, 2020 | Bereavement, Coping with grief
Allow yourself to feel the loss
When you are grieving the loss of a loved one, it is helpful to allow yourself to feel the emotions you are experiencing instead of trying to avoid them or distract yourself from them. As intense as these feelings may be, they are a natural response to a loss or bereavement. People who are experiencing some form of grief for the first time might feel especially overwhelmed and confused about their feelings. It is quite normal to experience anger, guilt and sometimes relief as well as deep sadness.
Maintain healthy eating habits
During times of bereavement it is quite normal for family and friends to rally together and provide meals and take care of the grocery shopping. It is important to maintain as healthy eating habits as possible during this time when you may not have an appetite or feel motivated to cook or prepare meals. Welcoming these kinds of gestures will help you to look after your physical as well as mental wellbeing while you come to terms with your loss.
Visit your GP
If you are struggling with your grief , you might benefit from a visit to your GP who can prescribe you with medication to help you sleep if you are having difficulty or something to calm your nerves if that is what is needed. It’s important to avoid excess alcohol or drugs that will mask your grief in the short term but may lead to you feeling worse over time or risk you becoming dependant on these substances which could adversely affect your long term health and wellbeing.
Exercise
Engaging in some form of regular physical activity helps to stimulate the release of brain chemicals such as Endorphins. Although this will not take away the pain of your loss it can help to boost your mood and provide you with some relief by reducing your stress levels. Walking is a great place to start, even if a short walk is all you can manage in the early stages of your grief.
Talk to someone
Talking about your loved one to family or friends can be beneficial. Sharing your stories and feelings can bring great comfort to some. Others seek the help of a Counsellor to support them and help them come to terms with their grief as well as helping them to understand their thoughts and feelings during this time. Counselling can be a wonderful way of helping someone with strategies and tools to assist them in their grief as well as how to find meaning moving forward to a place of acceptance.
Let me help you
Recent Comments