1.“I know how you feel.”
Telling someone you know how they feel can make them think the conversation is about you, not them. Although intended to make the bereaved feel understood, each person’s loss is unique and therefore can only be truly felt by them.
Instead say something like “I can only imagine how you must be feeling”
This implies you are trying to understand how difficult it must be for them.
2.“You’re so strong.”
Although you might feel like you are complimenting a grieving person for their strength, this can sometimes feel that although they may not be outwardly showing their grief, they are somehow coping better than they appear to be when they may be inwardly suffering immense pain.
They may also feel they need to avoid showing their true emotions in case you see that as a weakness.
Instead, you might wish them strength to cope with their loss and offer support
3.“God needed another angel.”
Bereaved people may be offended by this comment because they may not have the same religious belief as you and even if they do believe in God, they may have lost faith at this time or even be angry at God for taking their loved one from them.
Instead, you could just let them know they are in your thoughts.
4.“She/He’s in a better place.”
All a grieving person wants is for their loved one to be right here with them. That is the only place they want them to be, nowhere else. This also assumes you know where they are which is not possible or that they are better off somehow.
Instead say something like “My heart aches for you.”
5.” Only the good die young”
Although this comment is intended to make someone who has lost a child to feel that their child is good and free from what a long life may inflict upon them it also suggests that old people are not good.
The fact is people die, young and old, good and bad. There is no rhyme or reason.
Instead, you could say “This seems so unfair “
6.Anything that starts with” At least”
“At least she/he’s not suffering anymore”
“At least you have other children”
“At least you can fall pregnant again”
“At least you had more time with your child than some people do”
None of these comments help a bereaved parent ever!
Your child is still your child, no matter how long you had them for. No matter what age.
They will always be your baby. Your boy. Your girl. your everything.
Nothing anyone can say will ever take away the unimaginable pain of child loss.
We need to be there as support for the bereaved parent but never ever try to minimize their loss.”
“At least” comments suggest thinking about the future.
Instead, be with them now in their sorrow. Their hearts are broken.
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