The Viewing of a loved one…
Viewing the body of a loved one is an intensely personal and highly emotional time for most people.
Some people refuse to go to a viewing simply out of fear of viewing a deceased person.
Others believe that this time is the very last time they will see their loved one and would regret it if
they didn’t view them.
Some people feel they need to attend a viewing to be able to fully comprehend the death of their
loved one.
Some people are afraid of what their reaction may be or worried that other people’s reactions may be too confronting for them to handle.
Families usually get together and discuss how they would like their loved one to be dressed for the viewing or if someone has had time to arrange their own funeral they may have made a decision about what they would like to be buried or cremated in.
From my work in the funeral industry it was clear to me that whether a loved one was to be viewed or not and what they would be wearing when they were viewed always came down to what the person themselves or their families had chosen and where they thought they were going after their death. Some people liked to be dressed in nightwear because they believe they are asleep or at rest. Others were dressed in sporting attire or their wedding dress or even a ball gown if they think they will be dancing their way to heaven. Anything goes really.
My father was dressed in his bowling whites because we knew how much he loved bowling. He was always happy when he was bowling and looked so handsome in his whites with his white hair and beard.
I remember walking into the Chapel where he was lying beautifully in his coffin, so peacefully.
I recall gazing at him and saying “Daddy”. I hadn’t called him that for 40 years but for some reason it just came out before I could think. I had no control in that moment. I have since heard of other grown women doing the same thing when viewing their elderly fathers. Maybe it’s a Daddy, daughter thing. Timeless. At that moment I still felt like his little girl. I think that’s what it was for me anyway.
“Sorrow makes us all children again- destroys all the differences of intellect. The wisest know nothing “
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
I found this wonderful quote helped make sense of that moment.
Deciding on whether you would like to view your loved one is something worth considering as some people feel pressured to view and then regret it for their own personal reasons such as their love one didn’t quite look like themselves or they didn’t like what their love done was dressed in and others may have been talked out of viewing based on someone else’s experience and then regretted it later. It really is up to the individual as it is not something you can chose to do or not to do later down the track.
I personally think a person should be viewed in small family groups that are aware of what they will see to a certain extent because they have agreed on it or have been informed of the deceased persons wishes .Otherwise an individual might like to bring a support person to comfort them
I remember viewing another family member as a much younger person, everybody touched the deceased persons hand, so I thought that’s what you were supposed to do. I regretted doing that as he felt so cold and I wasn’t prepared for that. I chose not to touch my Dad for that reason.
The viewing is a great time for anyone who would like to place something in the coffin such as a photo, a card, or a memento
As grief itself is unique to everyone, so is the choice to view
If I can assist you in your choice, or you have any questions, please contact me
Let me help you
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